If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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