I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
