My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
