that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
