Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize