So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
