New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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