we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
