Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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