you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
