it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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