I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
