I am in a vortex of obligation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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