Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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