Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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