I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
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