marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
