Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
