SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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