In America we eat man semen.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
