when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want to make out with him forever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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