Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
