Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
