I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
