I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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