you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
