Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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