i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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