you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
