It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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