South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
