i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize