I accidentally had phone sex last night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
