I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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