Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
