Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i now understand why vodka
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
