i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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