Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize