Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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