when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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