Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We named our party play list daddy issues
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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