Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
