Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
