2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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