The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
