capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
