I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have aggressive nipples.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
