oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ugly people sure do ruin things
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
