I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
