She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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