I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
