I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
