we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
