I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
