I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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