I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
