You made me cry and you don't even care
need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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