Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
