"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
