look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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