We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
