Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
