i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your cock deserves a montage
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
