he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
