i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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