she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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